"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives with God and God in them." 1 John 4:16
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8
You need to discover who you are in Christ first and understand His love for us before you can love others, and especially love your spouse in the full extent of love that God has intended for us.
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." -Ephesians 5:21-32
As us as wives are submitting to our husbands, we are actually submitting to the Lord (Ephesians 22). And as men are instructed to love their wives as themselves, husbands are ultimately submitting themselves in love and reverence to God. God has given the authority to the husbands to lead their homes and wives need to not take that divine position from them.
A women submits to her husband because it is pleasing to the Lord. God has set the man up as the spiritual leader in the home and as wives, we need to let them lead. We don't need to sit with our mouths shut, not having any input, while our husbands make all the family decisions; but we need to pray for them, with them and support and honor him as he leads the home. We must learn to show respect for his God-given position as head of the family and remember that ultimately, a husband and wife are one and work as a team.
Now, let's take a look about how God instructs us to love. This is a common scripture that you hear at most weddings but really reflect on it and ask God to help you to love the way He does so you can have a full and blessed marriage.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8;
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
One of the biggest things that couples do when they argue, or in general, is bring up past incidents that their significant other has done. Real love holds NO records of wrong. If you already forgave them, forget about it. Did you know that in Matthew 6:15 it says, " But if you refuse to forgive others, your father will not forgive your sins." That is a big deal! That is between life and death for eternity. FORGIVE!
My amazing pastors were speaking on marriage and they said to stay away from the phrases; "you never....." and "you always....." because 99 percent of the time you say those statements, they are out of emotional anger or frustration and they are not true.
Have you ever heard wedding or marriage advice, "don't go to bed angry"? Well that advice is from the word of God!
Ephesians 4:26-27 says," In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Don't give the devil a reason to weasel his way into any part of your life. Just as the scriptures say in Deuteronomy about God's commandments, "Write them on the doorposts of your house..." put that scripture in your bedroom. If you and your husband get into an argument before bed, look up and you will see God's words and they will shoot down that sin.
Make a decision today that you will have a good marriage. Choose to not go to bed angry and don't withhold love from your husband just because you let your emotions take precedence over what God's word says. Declare that in 2019, your marriage will go to another level and the devil will not have ANY aspect of it in Jesus' name!
Last; check out this link of "99 Ways to Show Your Husband Respect."
https://cornerstoneconfessions.com/2014/02/99-ways-show-husband-respect.html
Let it bless you and your marriage today!